Worst fucking thing that I’ve ever experienced.


So I’ve grown really really close to a freind of mine (not mentioning names but you all know who…), and I almost became responsible for her death last night.

DISCLAIMER: I was not drunk at all during the entire piece of insanity.

Anyone who knows me and has hung out with me aside from mojo knows the TEAL TERROR (aka- T2). That’s my car. It’s ugly, beat up, and has a few mojo stickers on the back of it. The passenger door is also taped shut. Yeah, really, it’s got fucking packing tape holding it closed. That’s the start of the problem.

I was at her house last night getting ready to watch a move, and we realized that there was only about three or four shots of vodka left. With us, movies require more than that. She also needed to get cat food for Zuri, the greatest cat in the world. I told her that I would drive, so we jumped in the T2 to head towards Marsh. Pulling out of her apt complex in difficult at any time, day or night, so when the opprotunity came to speed across traffic, I took it.

She didn’t have her seat belt on, put pressure on the door, and fell out of my moving vehicle.

Thank God that she remembered to tuck-n-roll. She made it across two lanes of traffic into the grass on the other side. (Speaking of God, last night is the first time that I’ve thanked him for anything since out ‘falling-out”)

I slammed on my brakes, fish-tailed like a motherfucker, aligned my car, put it in park, and ran as fast as I could to get her. I thought that I had killed her. I help her up, and the first thing she said was, “Hurry, let’s get in your car, I don’t want you to get arrested!”.

I pulled over as soon as I found a spot, and we looked at her injuries. She’s got three scraped toes on one foot, a scrape on that ankle, a pretty decent sized road rash on one leg, and both of her wrists are scratched. I got her home and tended to her wounds to the best of my ability. It was really hard to do, because most of youe don’t know about my anxiety prooblem. It’s rough.

I ended up breaking down and crying in her kitchen until she came up and hugged me and wiped away my tears. She held me tight and re-assured me that she wasn’t mad at me at all while I was trying to maintain control of my heart rate. (On that note, I don’t think any of you know about my heart condition… I have heart irythmea and palpations, extremely high blood pressure despite my weight, and high risk of heart attack due to my herdity . I actually had to sit in the car for ten minutes because I oculdn’t breath and I was hyperventilating.)

I woke up this morning at her place, went to Marsh and stole two boxes of bandages, and bought one box. I’m a broke ass. In an attempt to same my karma, I speent tow dollars on canned food for the food drive. After leaving Marsh, I drive to the spot of the accident and pick of various pieces of a cell phone, car keys, key chains, etc. Before letting me patch her up, she looked me in the eyes, told me that everythings ok, and kissed me on the cheek. It helped a little, but I’m still shaky.

Since I (or the eight-fucking-thousand cars that ran over it) destroyed her cell phone, I will be giving her mine for a while. I’m with Nate (xxwakehopperxx) this afternoon if you need to get ahold of me, I’ll have my phone this evening.

I fell like a piece of shit.

This proves to me that I am not worthy of of affection.

I should be a little better (mentally) soon, but goddamn, I feel like the captain of the failboat.