Let me start by saying that I entitled this blog as “Part I” because I am quite sure that there will be at LEAST a part II, and probably more. The reason that I write this time is quite entertaining actually, more than it is a rant. I purchased an air mattress a few weeks ago [yes I KNOW it's not camping season]. Anyway, it had a leak, so I thought I’d exchange it for a different (and better, more expensive) one. I call this a “trailer park upgrade.” No offense to those who live in a trailer. For God’s sake, I am sleeping on an AIR MATTRESS. Back to the point: I no longer had the receipt [does anyone still get receipts these days??] or the box and so I went straight to the proper department to get a new box of the same mattress I was returning and also the new mattress I had intended on purchasing. I then headed to “customer service” (i put this in quotes because I’m not sure exactly what they consider service), where the real entertainment began.
The clerk asked me how she could help me. So I placed the old mattress on the counter and told her what I was wanting to do:
Me: Yes, I’d like to exchange this mattress and then purchase this new one. I no longer have the box for the one I’m exchanging, so I brought one up so you’d have the skew. [my being thoughtful and courteous]
Clerk: Well, do you have the receipt?
Clerk: You don’t have the box OR the receipt?
Clerk: Well, then I can’t do anything for you.
[This is why I question their definition of "customer service."]
Me: Can you look up the receipt from my credit card?
Clerk: When did you make the purchase?
Me: A couple of weeks ago at most…
Clerk: Do you know the exact date?
Clerk: Well, then I can’t do anything for you. I can’t look it up unless I have the exact date. [Isn't it SHE who asked how she could HELP me??? I mean, seriously...]
Me: Is there a manager that I could speak to who MAY be able to help me?
Clerk: [Shouts to manager]
The “manager” then comes to the counter dressed in a fleece (yes folks, I said fleece) vest with color-coordinating long-sleeve tee and jeans…yes, JEANS.
Me: Hi, I was wondering if you’d be able to do this exchange/return for me (I go through the same story I did with the clerk)
Manager: So you don’t have the box or the receipt?
Me: [thinking at this point that this company has incredibly low standards in that they will hire people at the MANAGEMENT level with an IQ below 70] That’s correct.
Manager: Sorry, we can’t do anything for you then.
Me: Do you have the ability to look up the receipt with my credit card?
Manager: Um, actually I don’t know.
The manager then goes to consult with some other associates on the issue at hand and comes back to the counter.
Manager: Right, we can’t look it up unless you purchased it at this location and you know the exact date. (I mean honestly, what good is a system with that kind of limitations???)
Me: [at this point realizing that this guy was LUCKY if he graduated high school] Okay, no problem. I’ll just take this one (the new version of the same mattress I had previously purchased).
Okay, so now I ask you: what is preventing me from taking the old mattres back with the new receipt, returning it and getting my money back? The answer, mofos, is NOTHING. The only difference is that by dividing it up into two transactions, Walmart loses. Here’s why: I don’t “upgrade” to the more expensive mattress, I still get to exchange the broken one AND I write this blog which shows just how incompetent and unintelligent their associates AND management can be. More to come I’m sure.