I’ve come to several very important conclusions over my past weekend excursion to Sleepy Bear Campgrounds in Noblesville, IN.
1) I am officially too old to camp without an air mattress any more
2) I am verging on too old to dance until 4:30am – as my knees still ache a bit a full two days later.
3) You CAN take your front porch with you wherever you go, even if it’s just a tarp.
4) I have MISSED camping, and the fully liquored up debauchery that so often attends it.
5) Kicking around random inanimate objects at 4 in the morning can be the BEST. FUCKING. GAME. EVER. INVENTED.
6) I’m a LOT better at Edward 40-hands than I thought I would be. And by that I mean I can pretty much belch on command to release the pressure, and..um…I didn’t lose. I mean I didn’t win by ANY stretch of the imagination, but I didn’t cheat, and I didn’t lose. It’s a big fat win in my book!
7) Matrix Dancing is the best way to move in an EDM tent when you don’t know what in the heck you’re supposed to be doing.
8) Everyone may THINK they look good while dancing, but they’re wrong. I fully accept that this probably applies to me and I’ve come to terms with that.
9) Everyone may THINK they look good in glowstick jewelry, and they’d be RIGHT. That stuff is awesome.
10) Ladder golf is reallllly difficult if the complexity and volume of the cursing that accompanies it is any indication.
11) I need to step up my camping fare. I expected hot dogs and s’mores… Some of my friends brought steak, chicken, kabobs, etc. I was wondering where the linen tablecloths and silverware was at one point.
12) They make DISPOSABLE Grills! I’m not kidding!! Why didn’t anyone ever tell me this before??? Genius! Just one more thing I wish I’d thought of first…
13) NEVER be the first one to fall asleep/pass out. You’d think this li’l rule would die off after bra-freezing incidents in junior high, but no. Definitely no.
14) Pacing is very VERY important when one intends to drink for a 24 hour period in 90 degree heat.
15) Kiddie pools DO, in fact, increase the value of your temporary residence. They make good leg soaks and gain you insta-friends. Often those insta-friends also bring popsicles. Sweet.
16) The grapes-thrown to grapes-caught ration is, and forever will be, horribly disproportionate. This is not Wade’s fault. This is not Caralyn’s fault. They are both champions at this game.
17) Breaking both one’s wrists does not necessitate sitting at home by oneself. One can, upon gathering a couple of sharpie pens together with a couple handfuls of Vicodin, attend a full campout/music festival.
18) It’s still cool to get your face painted even at our age.
19) You should always keep tabs on your camp chair. Because woe to the person who gets up to go dance for a few hours and returns to find that their camp chair has become the puke seat. ew.
20) Camping is a lot like going to war. Shared experiences create instant friends and strengthen bonds between already-friends. And, you can always claim that you survived Knollfest ’08…I mean Mojostock 2010…