You have to understand something about people- most of the time, you have to give them a reason to like you. What that reason is depends on them, they will decide if you meet whatever criteria (are you funny, kind, ambitious, smart, etc) they set. The best you can do is be yourself, and hope the attract the right kind of people, or be completely fake, and try to be all things to all people. Of course, the more there is to like about you, the easier it will be.
Naturally, the inverse is true, also.
Nothing demonstrates this better than relationships. I’ve been given a real eye opener lately as to how my friends perceive me, though the art of the blind date. My friends feel that I am grasping at straws, desperate, and willing to settle for their dumb, desperate, uninteresting friends. The boring, overly dramatic dullards who don’t seem to catch on that no one gives two shits about their cats, or that “never really been a big fan” doesn’t mean, “please, talk about musical theater for the next four hours.” Aghuh.
Whatever. Look, I know I have a lot of faults, and that I’m not exactly the pick of the litter. I realize that, to be wanted, you have to, well, be wanted. The reasons most women wont date me is obvious. I’m unattractive, overweight, poor, carless, arrogant, strange, a bit of a jerk at times… the deck is stacked against me.
But you know what? I like me. I’m smart, witty, compassionate, romantic, I try to be there for people when they need me, and I make people laugh. Could I improve? Absolutely, but you find me one person on this planet who couldn’t. My life is stable right now, and while I may not be happy with everything, I’m happy with enough to get by. Besides, I’m at my best when I’m both stoic and miserable. And to that extent, I’m done with dating for now. I’m not meeting the right people, and I’m making all the familiar mistakes that have put my life in utter turmoil in the past. The idea that validation comes from being with someone must be shed, or it leads to terrible things. So yes, I’m going to keep being an eccentric, arrogant smart ass who plays with Legos, obsesses over Halloween, and walks everywhere. Not because I think it makes me superior, but because it’s who I am.