Just been wondering


The future, when asked about, can be one of the scariest things for humans to talk about. Who really knows? I mean, I can want one thing and work towards it every day of my life, but how do I know that tomorrow is going to be ok? That I wont get into a car accident and break my back, never be able to fulfill my dream. We just never know. And on a larger scale, what if what we love today isn’t what we love in ten or fifteen years? It can be put in the sense of relationships and jobs and friendships and just life. It’s scary, because I know there are times when I really feel like I am on the right track with something, and then one day it just isn’t as important and then shortly after that I am just not even worried about it, it was just a passing feeling.

Life with in the realms that I see it now, is at times bleek. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m not suicidal or anything, just saying that there are things that I see now that I don’t think I can put up with in thirty years. Things with in the profession that I would like to enter into and things in the personaly lives of others. And maybe it’s not normal to think about these things, but I was asked by a coworker today what my future looks like.

I have a few hypothesis’, but I don’t know which one to really pursue. I seem to have found myself at a fork in the road, only instead of that comical and sometimes life changing two road fork we see in movies, I am finding myself faced with more of a pitch fork. Let me break it down here for a second:

1?- Professional soccer player. I am pretty good, played with a few really good teams and stood out and played with a semi’s team that was decent and well respected. But I feel I have been away from the game at a high level of competition, one that would only be needed to play professional soccer. So it scares me off a bit. That and not being in great shape yet.

2?- Enter into the police academy and fight crime. But I don’t want to lock up kids and shit all night. I want to create programs to help these kids stay out this trouble in the first place. So I guess that’s scratched.

3?- Finally finish college majoring in political theory and philosophy finally entering into law school and working in New York City. It holds a really bright future, one that could bring me into a lot of money and a possible position in government. Which, honestly, has been my dream since I was a little kid. I only fear that a lot of the things that I have done in my past will prevent me from really moving forward with this. Especially the political career.

4?- Finally finish college(notice the similarities) majoring in secondary education and history so I could teach high school American History and Economics and Government. Which would be awesome because I think that I relate really well with the students that I work with now and I could hopefully get more kids interested in something that I love, HISTORY! I know, I am really a nerd and have been holding it in all this time. But again, I run into a problem, I don’t have the cash for college. I knew I was lacking something that really was important in this situation.

5?- Move back east and become a small time community activist attempting to save the world who inevitably kills himself while overdosing on LSD in his lower east side apartment. Now that would be a life of a legend, say like Abbie Hoffman or something. But I don’t really like the whole dieing thing. Not that the drugs would be that bad but the suicide, no, I can’t do that. So I guess this it sort of out as well.

I mean, I guess I just sort of need to see where I see myself in thirty years and hope that doesn’t change in the next ten. But then again, aren’t we all?

Oh, and I am listening to some great tunes on Pandora including such great hits as Hook by Blues Traveler and Middle Man by Jack Johnson and ofcourse the great Dave Matthews Band.