I have come to realise lately just how much it floors me how sometimes ‘friends’ expect us to be infallible but- they do.
Expect us to be I mean.
I make mistakes.
I fuck up.
I FORGET a lot of things.
Times/dates/appointments/places I am supposed to be, things I promised/said/told you I would do.
I get sidetracked.
I am sometimes LATE.
It isn’t a personal affront to YOU however, stop taking it so.
I have kids.
(Explanation for many things lies in those three words right there)
I have OTHER obligations sometimes that really unfortunatly ARE more important than you.
I have a job that requires LOTS of my time.
I have a home that does also.
I say things I shouldn’t.
I say things sometimes that make no sense, make too much sense, that are out of the blue, off the cuff, skittering sideways or caustic.
I say things that are quite sarcastic, witty or even downright stupid, or lame or completely UnFunny.
I say things that are backwards, jumbled or will leave you scratching your head wondering at my sanity or where I left the rest of my damned mind.
I say things that are too blunt, too rude, too casual, too tactless, too snitty and sometimes (sadly) hurtful.
I go places I shouldn’t.
I do things I shouldn’t.
I don’t do things I should.
Sometimes I am fun to be around.
Sometimes I am a heck of a LOT of fun to be around.
Sometimes I am not.
Sometimes I am downright horrid.
Sometimes I have stress out the whaazoo or slash and burn PMS and NO one wants to be around me including ME.
Sometimes I can talk to you about nigh on anything.
Sometimes I can’t.
Sometimes I avoid you.
Sometimes I hang around too much.
I have many MANY shortcomings.
I WILL as a person, be a disappointment to you now and then.
NOT intentionally, it is just that I am not perfect.
BUT I am still your friend and I love you.
Friends should be allowed to muck up now and then.
Friends should be allowed to stumble sometimes.
Friends should be allowed to be a ‘tard on ocassion.
When did there b/c a criteria for friendship that was so very strict that if I muck up just ONE time even a minor infraction…
That you can’t TALK to me?
To tell me you are hurt?
Or that you are mad with me?
Or that I can’t BE your friend anymore b/c I faltered?
Or that you wont’ even TELL me this, you will just from set point on avoid/ignore/neglect me until I finally give up and go brokenheartedly & sad and yet wondering away out of your life?
What kind of a friend is this that places such harsh measures on another imperfect person and expects them to be what even they themselves also cannot possibly aspire to ever be?
You too are imperfect.
You too fuck up.
You too forget.
You too stumble and falter and fall.
You too sometimes have a size 8 1/2 tongue depressor.
But, I as your friend will do my best to forgive you,
accept you and your shortcomings,
help you to your feet when you fall,
catch your arm to stop you when you stumble,
hug you when you are hurting
and wipe your tears when you cry.
I will as a person and a friend-
TELL you when you have hurt me,
or when I am sad,
or when I am furious with you,
or even that I am glad you are my friend and in my life
and I expect you to do the same for me.
Tit for Tat- THIS is what friendship is.
It isn’t tally keeping or one upmanship or holding grudges or seeing what one can do to the other instead of FOR each other.
I want you to walk WITH me, beside me and be my company;
not try to dodge me
or outrun me,
or lag behind so I must do all the initiating if I want to see or talk to you,
or play hide and seek or leave me in the dark to wonder..
WTF did I do now?
I shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells in a friendship.
Or tiptoe around you,
Nor you me-
I should feel comfortable enough in your company to be ME.
I also know I am not so big a person that when I do fail you in whatever fashion…
that I am not above saying …
I am sorry.
And MEAN it.
And hope I will be forgiven by you.
For Yes, there is a world of difference between me apologising and you forgiving me.
I as YOUR friend, will always give you room to falter and I will always give you room to stumble and even to fail.
B/C none of these?
Are what makes you my friend.
They are only what make you the person that you are,
the person I care for and count as a friend,
they aren’t ‘things’ I should hold against you,
for I have too many of my very own that YOU overlook in the favour of being my friend not BECAUSE of them…
but in SPITE of them all.
And I will ask NO MORE from you, than what I have the right to expect from a FRIENDSHIP with you.
I do however, expect to be comfortable enough in our friendship that when I do fuck/muck up…?
That I needn’t worry if you are still going to BE my friend afterwards.
B/c life is too bloody short for anyone to have to constantly checking their ass to be sure they haven’t stepped inadverntedly on another’s toes and then stress themselves to the point of tears wondering what can be done to FIX something, that they had no idea they broke b/c the other *friend* couldn’t speak up, or step up and say..
HEY… I am needing to talk to you.