How To: Make Pancakes
Step 1: Place youngest child in high chair with enough cut bananas and crackers to occupy her for at least 20 minutes.
Step 2: Crack one egg into bowl. beat until light and fluffy.
Step 3: Run into living room and press play on DVD for oldest two children.
Step 4: Return to kitchen. Turn back right burner on stove to warm skillet.
Step 5: Toss more crackers on high chair tray – wonder how long it will take to remove banana chunks from eyelashes of youngest child.
Step 6: Add brown sugar, milk, baking powder, flour to pancake batter – mix well.
Step 7: Run into living room to separate two older children from wrestling on couch over purple crayon.
Step 8: Return to kitchen, add small pat of butter to now-warm skillet.
Step 9: Mop up milk on kitchen floor from sippy cup tossed gleefully over side of highchair.
Step 10: Pour pancake batter into skillet.
Step 11: Run into living room and threaten between clenched teeth to turn off Alvin and the Chipmunks if two oldest children do not stop fighting this instant!
Step 12: Return to kitchen. Scrape burnt remains of first pancake into garbage disposal.
Step 13: Repour batter.
Step 14: Babble incoherently to youngest child – who has now been in highchair for well over 20 minutes – to keep her entertained. Realize I have been singing the Hokey Pokey after three verses.
Step 15: Flip pancake once edges have rounded, bubbles appear on surface.
Step 16: Fill cups of milk and orange juice respectively for oldest two children
Step 17: Am reminded after completing first four pancakes that kids wanted Mickey Mouse shaped pancakes.
Step 18: Return original batch of pancakes to skillet and attempt to add mickey ears without destroying integrity of original pancakes.
Step 19: Fail miserably
Step 20: Feed first attempts at pancakes to youngest child. still in highchair.
Step 21: Start new batch of pancakes. Add Mickey ears to all pancakes.
Step 22: Place pancakes on platter.
Step 23: Place platter on table.
Step 24: Realize we are totally and completely out of syrup.
Step 25: Attempt to fool children into thinking fruit should top pancakes shaped like Mickey Mouse because you can make faces out of blueberries and such.
Step 26: Am reminded by eldest daughter that she is not that silly.
Step 27: Apologize profusely to children and promise to purchase syrup at next trip to store.
Step 28: End up feeding kids oatmeal and consuming half of Mickey Mouse pancakes myself so they don’t go to waste.
Lesson Learned: Even Nick Drake in the kitchen can’t drown out The Laurie Berkner Band in the living room…