How much is too much? or Where do you draw the line?

(a.k.a. Here’s where I beg forgiveness for the impending rant)

I recently got told (for the one MILLLLIONTH TIME) that the guy I was seeing wasn’t looking for “Anything Serious”.

so, here’s the deal (among other shitty things that occurred yesterday, this is the one that had me buggin’ a bit more than usual)

John Doe and i have been dating for what, two, nearly-three months? and everything has been kosher thus far: nights out, nights in, lazy nights on the couch with chinese food, crazy nights out involving too much alcohol and random karaoke, fancy nights out at the symphony and kickass nights out at concerts, etc. So far, no reason to complain.

I’ve not yet had to cancel on him for any reason due to kids being sick, loss of sitter, all the normal shit that usually comes up.
I don’t talk about the kids excessively, but you know, there’s three of them, they come up in conversation from time to time. Problem is, I really actually like this guy, you know? He’s decent. and smart. and funny. and cute as hell.

So why, after two months of easy going dating, and a significant period of time after we started sleeping together, would he bust out with the “you know I’m not really looking for anything serious right?”


How am I even supposed to answer that. And what’s more… how am I supposed to answer that when we’re on his couch and I’ve got my hand down his pants while he’s saying it?!?!! First of all, Hi, neither am I! I’m not looking for a boyfriend. I don’t have time for any of that mess. I was looking for someone who’s fun to go out with and fantastic in bed (check and mate). Second of all, there’s a time and a place, and I’m pretty sure THAT wasn’t it. And thirdly, now I just have my feelings hurt. It sucks to get shit on like that. Again.

I mean, I get it. I have three kids, NO ONE wants to get serious with a single mom with three kids. I understand and accept all that. But it still hurts to get it pointed out. ALL. THE. TIME. So I made a point of taking a step back and I haven’t seen him since Friday.

Did I just get the brush off pre-coitus [jeeeeeeeeez] or was he just reiterating what he already thought was a mutual understanding? If I back off now will he just drop me like a hot stone? Can I not back off now and retain my self respect? (probably not)

Seriously. WTF?

And, in general, is this basically what I can expect from guys after a couple of months? Am I going to get the boot after a few months because I’ve got a couple of kids and that’s too much for anyone with a penis to deal with?

Help, dear decoder ring of the male species… what in the world am I supposed to do NOW?