Hold the Powerade, Sir.

So my Verizon Voyager took a bath in grape powerade tonight. I do have insurance so it will only set me back $50. I had my phone, powerade, and steroids all in my gym bag for my soccer game tonight. I threw my bag on the floor. After my first shift on the field, I went to get a sip….only to find it had opened and drenched my phone. Gay. So yeah, its ruined and I have to get another one tomorrow. The Powerade was factory sealed, I hadn’t taken a sip of it yet…..so they clearly are at fault.

I’m informing IndyMojo and anyone else who will listen that as of 9PM on 11/20/08, I’m terminating my multi-million dollar contract with Powerade. My agent is closely looking over the details my new, lucrative deal with Gatorade. I get lots of incentives, such as:

$1 mil if I lead a co-ed recreational softball league in batting average. (again)
50,000 for every fat girl I hit in the face with a dodgeball.
50,000 if I beat IndyMichelle in an arm wrestling contest.
$1 mil if I get drafted in the first round of the NBA draft.
$1 mil if I arrogantly change my screen name to MVP
$1 mil if I win the UFC Heavyweight title
50,000 for every diving catch in kickball.
50,000 if I get JK’s mom pregnant.

So yeah, i expect big things. I can no longer support Powerade after this tragedy. My phone is as beat up as Phillies pitcher Brett Myers’ wife. Sigh.