cock blocking part 1


Your relationship is going great. Weeks, months, hell, even years go by and things settle down. Other than the declining amount of sex you’re having, you’re happily comfortable. Who wouldn’t be? Your food is cooked, you get to use the phrase “my girlfriend,” you meet your lady’s friends (one of which is almost always hotter than your girlfriend, with a better personality) and when going out with your buddies and their girlfriends, you’re never the 3rd, 5th, 7th, or 9th wheel (although many truckers would deny that these are actually bad wheels).

Then out of the shadows comes one of the following cock-blocking, girl-stealing motherfuckers. They may have acted like they were your buddy, they may have earned your trust by grabbing you a Rolling Rock at parties, and based on sheer logic, you may have never, ever thought that they could interfere with your love life. After all, you’re a good-looking, intelligent, sensitive guy who knows your girl inside and out.

Emo rockers: like it or not, they’re coming for your girlfriend.

But that doesn’t matter in the realm of relationships. See, at this young stage in our lives, girls are fickle, thrill-seeking creatures who will most definitely fuck you over in the long run (not that things necessarily change when you get older). I’m not saying guys don’t do it (oh, cause we do!!), but it’s a proven fact that guys fall in love faster and out of love slower than girls. You don’t have these situations in the reversal of gender roles, so don’t jump on my nuts, ladies. It’s not my fault you’re imprisoned by your God-given concoction of hormones that don’t support good moral stature and relationship fortitude.

And because of this, these guys come in and get head from your girlfriend at a party while you’re playing beer pong with her hot friend (you remember, the one with the sweet personality). Some are less obvious about it though, and that’s why I have this list: so you guys out there with girlfriends can prepare.

That said, let’s see this bitch.

10. The Emo Poet
(Warning Color Code: Angst Black)

Tools: Ability to cry at a moment’s notice. Always carries a pen and paper (your girl’s number easily obtained). Has a vagina (can relate).

What to look for: Black clothes, runny makeup, and thick-framed glasses. Writes in journal while sitting in the rain.

Hints your girlfriend might be going to him: