‘Twas the night before Christmas and all I recall,
We sang Christmas carols and downed alcohol.
My mother discovered my unsober state,
Her eyes filled with anger relaying my fate.
We played it off, as good as could be,
My stutters and stumbles she plainly could see.
The middle of night, I made such a clatter,
Meatballs and cheese turned projectile matter
Lying in vomit I woke in my bed,
While nothing but pain danced in my head,
Hoping my presents, were hangover cures,
First Christmas ever, my mom was in tears
Opening presents I hid from the light,
Never knew the damn snow was so fucking bright.
The presents all opened, the family all fed,
Counting my losses, crawled back into bed.
In no mood for Santa’s fat-ass full of cheer.
Just one Christmas line I needed to hear
Merry Christmas to all, by no one was said.