Favorite Drinking Wisdom, that for some reason or another just had me laughing. ;)

http://www.moderndrunkardmagazine.com/md_wino_wisdom.htm

Some Favs:

“If you dont drink in the morning, you cant be drunk all day.”
Uncle Tom breaking out philosophy and the first beer of the morning.

The drinking will continue until you show a dramatic improvement in
attitude!
Sandy T., 28, addressing her uppity liver at the Cockpit Lounge.

No wonder you were sick, look at all the puke you swallowed!
A bartenders pithy diagnosis of a patron face down on the bar

Sure! Whats in it?
Troy B.s rather optimistic response to a bartenders request of, You
wanna get the hell out of here? at Club 404.

How am I supposed to remember everyones name? Theres so many of them and so few of me.
Trish C., 24, keeps them coming at the Lair.

I got drunk on whiskey when I was ten, and I got so sick I hated the even the smell of the stuff. I couldnt even touch it until I was thirteen.
Paco R., 39, reminiscing the The Streets of London Pub about his first
drunk.

Im drinking to get a hangover so Ill have something to do during my day off tomorrow.
Fred L. 44, drinking for the future at the Lions Lair.

Its at the bottom, luv.
Maggie at Nallens savvy reply to Why didnt you pour a clover shape into
my pint of Guinness?

Yeah, I just threw up too. Wanna get another pitcher?
Charlie M., not letting a little regurgitation get in the way of the
Beautiful Dream at the Streets of London Pub.

My daddy drank, grand-daddy drank, my goddamn great grand-daddy drank, and I’ll be goddamned if I’m going to drop the ball now.
James K., age 27, keeping the tradition alive and well three blocks from
Paul’s Liquors.

Life is like a bad margarita with good tequila.
Peter A., skipping the bad and sinking a shot of the good at the Lions
Lair Lounge.

The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The drunk says, ‘Are you gonna drink that’?”
Robert G. eschewing the philosophical for the practical.

Over the years, it seems I’ve had so many different lives and friends.

Friendships are such unique things up close.

Over the years I’ve started to see them so distantly – more of a whole picture instead of just one event. The old ones, from the beginning to the end – like a flower coming from a seed to bloom in just a few seconds.

I see the smiles and the suffering.

I always think suffering is worthless unless you learn something. So through the bitterness, the tears and pain, I’ve tried my very hardest to learn everything I could from it. Plain suffering might get you pity from the outside and self validation, but truthful understanding gets you peace from the inside and wisdom for your next trial. Isnt that what every person wants really? Happiness for the next page of their lifes book and peace from pain of the old.

I think there are so many great sayings about friendships. Here’s some
of them I’m sure that have all been read before.

“A true friend is someone who is there for you when they would rather
be someplace else.” – Len Wein

“It is not so much our friends’ help that helps us, as the confident
knowledge that they will help us.” – Epicurus

“It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.” – William
Blake

“In good times let your friends know of you, and in bad you will know your friends” – Unknown

“Go often to the house of thy friend, for weeds choke the unused
path.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

I think there is a difference between knowledge and wisdom. Just like they say in a comedy called ‘A Fish Called Wanda’ about an ape reading Nietzsche, knowledge is nothing more then memorization. It becomes wisdom when you use it. I think leaning from simple quotes are much that way too. Knowing them doesn’t make it useful. Doing it does. So I try to re-read quotes from time to time and see if my palate has changed and they’ve taken in new meaning to me. That last one has.

I’ve come to the conclusion that friendships are like having gardens on someones elses land. There is a season to plant, and there is a season to pick from the vines. Sometimes you’ll work all day with no return, and sometimes you’ll do nothing but eat from its stalks. Sometimes youre so busy just keeping the crows and beetles away and sometimes nothing will be more peaceful then to walk among its paths or more needed then to hide from the world in its foliage, but only if we take the time to weed and water. Its wonderful to think that a garden started well, will grow on its own, but it wont – not even in the best dirt and the best weather. If you walk often enough through your gardens you’ll never be surprised to find a huge weed patch or another has started to work its land where you once were.

During our lives we’ll have those who run through the our fields carelessly breaking stick and stem and those who’s thumbs arent green, but red as the sun – seeing a single weed and burning the whole field for it. All the while telling themselves how awful the ground was for digging anyways. You’ll find those who cant understand why their gardens never work, but never care to find out – and those who will profess their abilities while behind them is a path full of rott and cracked earth. There’ll be those who have to many and wont be able to always be there, and there are those who want nothing but an ear of corn and to be on their way. Then some – and they’re so few – will take what is needed, and give what is asked, while always keeping an eye out for weeds and boweevils. They’ll always be ready with a light sprinkle of water during the hottest days and covering the blooms during the frost. Through out our lives we’ll meet so few with green thumbs. Many of us are still learning how to be a good gardener (friend), but this analogy seems so simple and wonderful I wanted to pass it on.

Pick those who cultivate your friendship carefully and the land you farm yourself even more so. Try to cool your friends when their angry, visit them when their lonely, check with them so nothing gets out of hand and look for those bugs that eat at them… visit often or on your return to pick an apple – you might find nothing but weeds…

I wanted to pass on this little story that seemed so small yet changed the way I viewed things for so many years…

I remember in high school, my girlfriend and I had went to another couples place and we are all excited to talk about how “grown” up we were like many of us when we’re young and just learning how to be a grown up in a relationship, by pretending we were grown up in it :)

Well during the conversation, the young lady of the other couple, mentioned that her boyfriend never shaved for her but would for work and always did when they first met.

What was his response? Well now we know each other and we live together… and besides… you already love me.

I just saw the hurt on her face and thought at the time, “wow why is she so upset, he’s right, they already both love each other so whats all the fuss?”

Guess what? He was right, and he was at the same time absolutely wrong. Sure he could get away with it, and sure they were in love. But love isnt made of steel, its a growing living thing. And love isnt a prize to get from someone, its a gift you want to give and something you want to nurture. And the best way to have someone want to give is to make them feel special… was this making her feel more special then someone new he’d go off to date? Does she hear that she is treated more thoughtful now or before they were in “love”? I think we all know the answer to that.

If you’d do it for them when they didnt love you, what more reason in the world then to do it for the ones when they do.

If you would do something for someone to “catch them” or you’d do it for anyone else you didnt love, then do it for your loved one! Or simply put as my mother always said,

“Treat those you care for the very most, the very best.”

I’ve remember this ever since that day, and I’ve shaved on the weekend for those I’ve been with ever since. And anytime I feel like slacking, I ask myself, “Would I do this for someone new to impress them?” and it always makes me realize who is really most important in my life and then its not a chore, its a pleasure :)

Hope this story brings some good somewhere like it has me.