So im standing in line waiting to be seated at one of my favorite places in the world.. Applebees..yes im serious.. im with a group of people and the only other person in the little waiting area is the black guy

I keep reading all these bulletins and blog posts about what not to say or do during sex.. so id like to share my thoughts about what you should never do or say during sexual situations.

1. Never and I mean never grab her by her ears. They find it rude and demeaning. I don’t care if you’re trying to kindly hint to a blow job or you’re hitting it hard from behind, there is no excuse to grab her by her ears.

2. It’s ok to play pretend with them or fantasize about being other people or occupations, just as long as it does not involve family members or close friends. I was with this girl and I suggested we pretended that she was her younger sister

Last year the BIG news story was that Boy Scout who wondered off from the pack and got lost in the mountains. Well like a week later they found him on the other side of this mountain. I was pissed! I’m seriousface, I was praying something ate him. I know you think it sounds harsh but I mean come on, he deserved it. The kid was 13 and he said fuck it and wondered off on his own, you can’t do that crazy white boy teenage rebel shit. You’re not a Marine, you’re not a trained survivor, you’re a fucking boy scout! You can’t defend yourself against a bear, or a mountain lion or a Michael Jackson. I was praying the news would come on and a bear got a hold of this kid, they’d show a picture of the bear and he’s wearing the kid’s Boy Scout scarf, holding his handbook in one hand and a bottle of ketchup in the other hand. I wanted something bad to happen to this little bratty “I do whatever I want” mindset child so bad I almost tracked and ate him myself. You shouldn’t talk to strangers! (stab)

1. Virus programmers who really sat down and planned an electronic attack on everyone’s email using the clever decoy as “You have received an e-card from your neighbor”. REALLY?! Can’t wait to open that. I think they should have gone the extra ridiculous mile and if you were that retarded to open it, a giant boxing glove would pop out the screen and break your fucking nose. Honestly who opens their email and says oh thank god, I’ve been waiting for months for this “e-card from my neighbor”. Most people couldn’t tell you what their neighbor’s last name is and it’s on the god damn mailbox! This is America; nobody talks to anyone unless they are absolutely forced into it. Their was a time right after half of New York City collapsed that we banned together and you saw things like teens holding doors open for the elderly, and white guys drinking at the bar with black guys, and Chinese people having coffee with Japanese people. But NOT anymore. Were back to the cold cruel world, and we like it that way… so why on earth would anyone fall for something so ignorant as your neighbor doing something nice for you.

2. If you have new pics (myspace) then that’s fine, just don’t tell me every 7 mins! I read the first bulletin. However the other 39 were kind of unnecessary. K? K.

3. Facebook