1/14/08
I feel nothing yet I feel everything.
I want to run yet I stand still.
My heart is broken.
My body is strong.
My mind lost in thought.
It thinks mostly of you.
A great amount of time has passed.
Still I feel that I am not complete without you.
My body misses your touch.
My ears miss your laughter.
My eyes miss your smile.
My heart your love.
Time passes so slowly without you by my side.
Who knows what the future may hold?
I cannot continue waiting for you to make up your mind.
I can only continue to walk away not wondering what I left behind.

jjeske

Random facts about me:
1.) I believe in astrology and past lives.
2.)I enjoy baking and cooking eventhough I eat lean pockets and cereal like they are going out of style.
3.)I am a clean freak and very organized. My closet is short sleeve to long sleeve in sections of colors lighest to darkest. Also I love the smell of bleach!
4.)I wash my body daily with atleast 2 kinds of soap. Always lever 2000 and something else. Right now I have caress exfoliating wash and Lever 2000 bar soap.
5.)I am absolutely terrified of reptiles. IE: Snakes, crocidiles= nightmares
6.)I have been engaged before. I was 22 at the time.
7.)I have IBS-C. Irritable Bowel Syndrom with constipation. It sucks. I really have to watch what I eat or my stomach will bloat up like a starving third world country native. Not soo good times. ;(
8.)I still have an eightball that I ask questions to on a pretty regular basis.
9.)On Sundays I have spa day. I do a facial, paint my nails, take a bath and whatever else I feel like doing that day to pamper myself!!
10.)I prefer to be naked all the time. If clothes are not necessary then they are not needed. I do live in the “Naked Condo” so I will keep my nakedness inside with respect to others.
11.)I am a blackout drunk and I honestly do not remember a good portion of the nights that I do drink.
12.)I feel it is okay to hit anyone on the ass as long as you are being the “coach!” LMAO (inside joke)
13.)I love to eat frozen peas.
14.)My favorite dessert is a brownie sundae!! Mmm I really like the ones at TGIFridays and Harry and Izzies!!
15.)Fall is hands down my favorite season.
16.)I have two younger sisters that were born in 1994 and 1997!
17.)I have dated men up to 14 years older and 3 years younger than I am/was.
18.)I really am not any good at ice skating, roller blading or roller skating. I am seriously a wall hugger.
19.)I have a set of tarot cards that I consult when I am dealing with an issue.
20.)I truly believe everything happens for a reason and that in life you get what you deserve. You get back what you put in.
21.)I like to run to clear my head.
22.) There are three things that you dont mess with unless you want to piss me off. In order of priority: family, friends and my money.
23.)I get more and more goofy as I get tired.
24.)I believe in fairytales.
25.) I will try nearly everything once.

11/21/07 3:50am
Do you ever feel like that you had everything you have ever wanted just slip from beneath your fingers? That maybe if you would have taken a closer look earlier the whole situation in which you find yourself could have been avoided. Sometimes in life we experience bad things that make us want to crawl into some cave and never come out for fear of feeling that same heartache and pain. At times we drown our pains with alcohol, but it is only a temporary fix for a deeper-rooted problem. Different things in life can cause pain: losing a loved one, watching someone you love get very sick and lose their memory, deciding that it is time to break up, being with someone whom you love completely but knowing that you will never have their whole heart and the list goes on.
Sometimes, I think it would just be easier if I could do things with no feeling, but I can’t no matter how hard I try. There is always some level of feelings involved with every relationship. I am human and I feel everything every happiness and every heartache. I am not sure if we ever truly get over the people we love. They will always hold a place in our hearts forever. Past loves and relationships can be extremely difficult to get over. Especially when you are not even sure what went wrong. It is in these times we have to find our own closure and our own way to move on. It is not easy waking up in the morning knowing that nothing will ever be the same and that you must keep moving forward without looking back.I know that I am a strong person and I continue to experience a little bit of every bad thing that life has to offer. They say where God shuts a door he opens a window and that he will never give you more than you can handle. I believe it to be true however, it does not make the pain any less or the joy anymore.