Tom Crean, Indiana Hoosier men's basketball head coach

Image Courtesy

The Indiana Hoosier men’s basketball team opened the 2012 regular season at home tonight against Bryant University. Some notable first half headlines include Indiana Athletic Director Fred Glass announcing a 2-year contract extension for head coach Tom Crean, which means the coach will be under contract through 2020.

Freshman point guard Kevin “Yogi” Ferrell, a Park Tudor grad, has displayed some heady passing, good man-to-man defense, and has rarely played like a freshman.

Another interesting point, senior forward Christian Watford is wearing number ’32’ as a gesture towards fellow senior Derek Elston, who is out with a meniscus tear and not expected to return until the Big Ten portion of the schedule begins. Watford, who normally wears number ‘2’, decided to wear his fellow senior’s jersey because Elston will miss his final season opener.

Peter Jurkin

Image Courtesy Inside the Hall

Just when the Hoosier faithful thought Tom Crean and his staff would clean up the program and return Indiana University to its glory days, the NCAA ruled today that freshmen Peter Jurkin and Hanner Mosquera-Perea must sit out nine games for receiving improper benefits.

Hanner Mosquera-Perea

Image Courtesy Inside the Hall






It appears Jurkin received $6,000 and Mosquera-Perea $8,000 while in high school from an Indiana University booster in the form of plane tickets, meals, housing, a laptop, cell phone and clothing, per this article from Inside the Hall.

Jurkin has been ordered to pay back $250 to the charity of his choice while Mosquera-Berea must do the same in the amount of $1,590. The improper benefits came from the boys’ non-scholastic basketball coach who is also an Indiana University booster.

While it is uncertain how these suspensions will affect the apparent Indiana University title run, it is worth pointing out that neither player registered significant minutes during the preseason. Peter Jurkin hails from South Sudan by way of the United Faith Christian Academy in North Carolina (coached by Muggsy Bogues) and is a 7’0″ center, presumably adding depth to the Hoosier frontcourt. Hanner Mosquera-Perea is an athletic 6’8″ forward hailing from Columbia by way of La Lumiere School in LaPorte, Indiana.

With the start of the Hoosier basketball season just 3 days away, it’s interesting the NCAA would wait until now to file the suspensions. Look for these two freshman to see the floor on December 19th against Mount St. Mary’s, well before the Big Ten schedule begins.

Looking at Indiana’s early season schedule, this may affect both the North Carolina game and who knows, maybe even the tilt at Assembly Hall against Butler.

Stay calm, Hoosier fans. Hopefully this slight inconvenience to the depth of this year’s Hoosier squad won’t affect the long-term capabilities of the team.

The Indiana regular season begins tonight in Toronto as the Pacers take on the Raptors without veteran small forward Danny Granger.

Look for offseason acquisition Gerald Green to try to pick up the slack left by Granger’s absence.

Gerald Green

Image courtesy of

Your starting five should be George Hill at point guard, who played well enough towards the end of last season that the Pacers saw to extend his contract and trade Darren Collison for some much-needed depth, particularly with the addition of Center Ian Mahinmi.

Other starters should include Paul George and Gerald Green on the wings in addition to David West and Roy Hibbert down low.
What should Pacer fans be watching for? How can the Pacers be expected to make up for the nearly 19 points a game Danny Granger scored? Should we look for George Hill to take some additional shots? We should certainly see a heavy dose of David West and Roy Hibbert. Expect contributions from D.J. Augustin off the bench, who is certainly a starting caliber point guard.

I’m particularly interested in the development of Paul George and Roy Hibbert. Paul George struggled to score down the stretch last year and Roy Hibbert had foul trouble quite often.

Much like the Dallas Mavericks, it’s going to be difficult to judge a team missing a key component, but the Toronto Raptors are in no way to be mistaken for the Los Angeles Lakers.




Former Indiana Hoosier basketball coach Bob Knight

Image Courtesy of

Bring out that cream and crimson you’ve been hiding since the days of Bobby Knight, Hoosier fans.

According to both the Associated Press and the USA Today Coach’s Poll, the Indiana Hoosiers sit atop the preseason rankings. It may be a little early to say so, but given the strength of the returning roster and the addition of a strong recruiting class, Tom Crean’s squad appears set to win both a Big Ten Championship and make a serious run at a National Championship.¬†Congratulations (along with great expectations) are in order for Indiana center Cody Zeller, who nearly unanimously took Preseason All-American honors.

Indiana Hoosier Coach Tom Crean and All-American center Cody Zeller

Image courtesy



It needs to be pointed out how intensely midwest the preseason rankings are. Take the top five, for example. Behind Indiana is Louisville, Kentucky, Ohio State and Michigan; all are no more than about six hours from each other. Also in the top 25 are Michigan State, Missouri, Memphis, Notre Dame and Cincinnati.

The Big Ten Conference appears like it is going to be hotly contested. Five teams are ranked in the Top 25 and well-coached clubs like Purdue and Minnesota ensure that once the Big Ten schedule begins, every game has the potential for an upset.

I plan to cover Indiana-based teams this year including your Butler Bulldogs, Indiana Hoosiers, Notre Dame Irish,¬† and Purdue Boilermakers. Obviously, as the season progresses and the NCAA Tournament nears, we’ll talk about teams like IUPUI and Valparaiso should they get called on Selection Sunday.

Moving to the schedule.

Indiana opens play at home against Bryant University on Friday, November 9th at 8:00pm ET.

Purdue’s first game is at home against Bucknell on Friday, November 9th at 7:00pm ET.

Notre Dame begins its season at home against Evansville on Saturday, November 10th and a start time has yet to be announced.

Butler takes on Elon at home on Saturday, November 10th and starts at 2:00pm.

Are you ready for some hoops?





Image Courtesy

With roughly two weeks until opening night, the Indiana Pacers trimmed their roster to 15 players today in addition to exercising an option on swing-man Paul George, keeping him around through the 2013-14 season.

Paul George

Image Courtesy

In an off-season that featured some marquee transactions for a couple big-name franchises, notably the Los Angeles Lakers’ trades to acquire stars Steve Nash and Dwight Howard in addition to the Miami Heat signings of Ray Allen and Rashard Lewis, the Pacers stayed relatively quiet, essentially trading and signing depth with the addition of center Ian Mahinmi, guard Gerald Green and point guard D.J. Augustin.


Pacer fans need not worry, however. Miami may have signed some veteran shooters, but they still lack a true center; and with improved depth, the Pacers should be able to give Miami a little more trouble a second time around. Indiana signed center Roy Hibbert to a long-term deal and secured former Duke big-man Miles Plumlee in the draft.

Roy Hibbert

Image Courtesy

Many figure the starting five will remain relatively unchanged, as the team figures to start either D.J. Augustin or George Hill at point guard, Paul George and Danny Granger on the wings, David West at power forward and Roy Hibbert at center.

Fans will note the loss of Darren Collison via trade to Dallas and Leandro Barbosa to the crowded backcourt in Boston. Both will certainly be missed as the spark off the bench, but rest assured this team is equipped for another postseason run.

The Pacers are absolutely playing for a top seed (likely the 2nd seed in the East) with another showdown against the Miami Heat in the Easter Conference Finals looming on the horizon. Assuming the team remains relatively healthy and plays to its strengths (David West and Roy Hibbert are amongst the more formidable frontcourt duos in the league) and considerable depth, look for the blue and gold to be even better this year than last.

Be aware the D.J. Augustin is a starting point guard in this league and certainly has the potential to contribute a great deal. The downside to Augustin is his size, coming in at around 6’0″ and just over 180 pounds, which means he’ll be giving up some size to most starting point guards in the league, presenting a potential defensive mismatch should D.J. not be up to the task.

Aside from the Heat, promising challenge in the East are the aging Celtics (sans Ray Allen), the Philadelphia 76ers, and once Derrick Rose comes back, certainly the Chicago Bulls. The West figures to pit the Oklahoma City Thunder against the new-look Los Angeles Lakers, who apparently are taking baseball’s Yankee approach to winning; buy the best players available.

The Pacers start the regular season away from home on Friday, November 2nd at Charlotte and the home schedule starts Saturday, November 3rd against the Sacramento Kings.

Your 2012 Indiana Pacers’ slogan is “Blue Collar – Gold Swagger”. The team is also featuring a second Hansbrough, as Tyler’s brother Ben is on the active roster. If the latter is anything like the former, the reserves certainly don’t lack the blue collar attribute. It’s up to the starters on this team to bring the swagger.


Congratulations are in order, friends. The Indiana Fever closed out the 2012 WNBA Championship, defeating the Minnesota Lynx 87-78 on Sunday night to win the 5-game series 3-1. Tamika Catchings adds WNBA Champion and Finals MVP to a laundry list of accomplishments, among those including 3-time Olympic gold medalist and NCAA Champion. The former Tennessee Volunteer has struggled through injuries, particularly during the postseason portions of her career, so it was especially sweet for the 33-year old to finally reach the pinnacle of professional sports and joins a short list of athletes to win championships as a collegiate, an Olympian, and a professional athlete. Little known fact, Tamika Catchings is the first basketball player to record a quintuple double. A celebration is planned for Tuesday, October 22nd, at noon downtown Indianapolis. Cheers, ladies!

Cool nonchalantly said “so let me guess, that was your first time, wasn’t it?”

No speech was necessary.

Cool nearly fell over laughing.

“You mean to tell me that in the last 24 hours or so, you’ve smoked your first bit of pot, your first cigarettes, you got drunk for the first time, AND you just lost your virginity?”

“Um, yeah.”

“Dude, that’s probably the best day anyone’s had EVER.”

“You think so? I puked a lot today.”

I went back to bed with Uno. No seconds. I mean, come on. Was an encore presentation of “Jared LIVE AND IN COLOR” really necessary?

Besides, have you ever pulled apart a grilled cheese?

Uno and I spoke for a few months, hung out a couple more times, hooked up once or twice the rest of that semester. Turns out I was her first as well. Lucky her, I guess?

This story has been told via microphone to my entire fraternity as part of my initiation, been told to my entire Company in the Sandbox during a bit of downtime, and probably been retold a dozen times since.

So yes, I may have PHYSICALLY been born in 1983.

I was ACTUALLY alive in 2002.

Thanks for reading.

After one of the longer(and more memorable, although not quite as clearly as more recent) sessions of beer pong I’ve ever played, I follow Cool into the house with the two bikini-clad girls in tow.

Cool’s older brother was a bartender and just happened to be mixing it up with several coeds acting as drink-maker.

Pretty cool little bar. One side was flush to cabinets, the other side had 6 barstools. Cool, myself, and the two bikinis(who shall remain nameless because, well… I don’t remember their names) take up four stools.

Cool asks me what I want to drink and immediately just shakes his head and tells his brother some mumbo-jumbo about a drink.

I remember it as… frozen. In a clear glass. Red. Sweet and verrrrry alcohol-tasting. After the second glass, pizza showed up. Probably the best timing for me because after 2 beers, 6 or 7 games of (losing, by the way) beer pong, and those two drinks, I needed food(I have no idea where those hot dogs went or what hunger it killed).

At this point, Eagle comes inside, grabs me, and we go out to my truck to smoke again. Probably the worst idea to try to sneak away and smoke, because on our way to the truck, Cool and the two bikinis plus about 3 others chase us down and ask to partake.

Eagle was cool with it so we sat in the bed of my S-10 and smoked a few bowls, chatting, enjoying the company and the buzz.

Frankly, the rest of the night after leaving my truck to go back to the party is a blur, but based on stories from several friends, I’ll recreate the story to the best of my ability.

Included in the next several hours are the following events/objects… you figure it out.

-A beer bong(you kinda knew that was coming, didn’t you?)
-Jared doing a kegstand(or three, kinda foresaw that too, right?)
-Jared racing Cool in a pizza-eating contest. By contest I mean “who can eat an entire Mad Mushroom cheese pizza faster”(which I won but lost the pizza directly afterward).
-Cool and the Gang(haha, just kidding) laughing at Jared for throwing up all over himself.
-Cool dragging Jared to the side of the house and hosing him off. Thanks buddy.
-Jared wrestling Cool for control of the hose and subsequently starting the largest unsanctioned water fight I’ve ever seen.
-Cool’s brothers wrestling the hose away from Jared, dragging him to the pool and throwing him in fully-clothed, and Jared losing a cell phone to water(thankfully my key-fob and wallet were in my car).
-Jared taking off all his clothes in the pool and threatening to shit in said pool unless someone brings me the gym bag from my truck, which also got thrown into the pool(assholes).
-Jared throwing up in the pool(which was immediately evacuated).
-Jared feeling guilty and trying to clean the puke out of the pool using one of those nets on a 20-foot pole while standing on the side of the pool butt-ass naked(which led to Jared puking again… in the pool).
-Jared finishing getting all the puke out of the pool(or into the cleaner valves), getting dressed, and getting high fives from everyone for cleaning up my own mess.
-Jared. Keg stand. Beer bong. Shotgun. Puke. Gallon of water. Puke.
-Jared passes out at 10pm in his truck with the doors locked and windows rolled up.
-Jared wakes up at 11:30pm and runs in the house. At this point, the party has dwindled to about half its original size. Jared is met with jubilation that he’s alive(and a warning about the used condom on my antenna).
-Jared partakes in drinking games named Kings, Bullshit, Asshole, and probably others that I forget.
-Jared pukes again(this time in the bathroom with the fan on for silence). Recovers well.
-Jared decides to stop drinking(for that particular evening).
-Jared decides to watch Sportscenter.
-A young coed joins Jared on the couch.
-Jared and young coed(who had already met, done shots with, done kegstands with, done beer bongs with, nearly puked on, etc.) get to know each other.

Now from this point on, albeit fuzzy, I remember what happens.

As it turns out, Uno(for 1, one, first, “winner winner chicken dinner”, etc.) is a senior in high school and friends with Cool’s younger sister. Uno is in town for the weekend. Uno is cute, skinny, tan, looks like mommy and daddy have money. As it turns out, she has a full-time job managing a pizza place back home. Who knew?

Jared doesn’t know what the numbness in his legs or the reason for his perpetual hard-on is, but understands fully when Uno puts her hand on his leg and meets… well… you get it.

Jared immediately goes into “danger! danger!” mode, talking about going back to his dorm room for the night, leaving, not feeling well, being tired etc.

Uno isn’t persistent.

Jared goes to leave, is met by Cool, who inquires about Uno. Jared and Cool step outside, have a cigarette, and Cool hands Jared a condom, instructs Jared to use a guest bedroom, and slaps Jared on the ass on the way back in.

Uno runs up and, as you probably guessed, says “I thought you were leaving”.

Jared brushes it off, says Cool asked him to stay in the guest bedroom, “I guess I’ll just sleep here”, Uno asks if she can join. Jared obliges.

To say my first time was romantic would be a joke. It was more like a comedy. Not a tragic comedy, though.

So Jared and Uno slink off into the guest bedroom.

A few points.

-I’m a virgin at this point.
-I’m drunk.
-I sleep naked at this stage in life.

Jared completely neglects the idea that there’s a female in this room.

Jared defrocks and hops under the covers.

Uno stands next to the bed like “I guess you aren’t pulling any punches, huh?”

Jared has no idea what the means, watches Uno undress and get into bed, feels pain in his loins, etc.

Let’s just say that this little 18-year old nubile girl did NOT know what was about to happen.

Neither did Jared.

Now I’m not hung like a horse or anything(not like Spray-paint Can who you’ll meet in another story), but yeah.

I don’t like condoms from the first use of it.

First of all, a penis is like a balloon. A little friction can cause it to pop for most balloons.

Not my balloon. Not my first time.

With a condom on(at least for me), you can’t feel anything. In fact, the condom Cool gave me had this slick little numbing agent as lubricant.

Now look, at this point, I’m 19 years old. I’ve been beating off daily(sometimes more than once a day) for about 5 years. I’ve seen porn, raided my dad’s Playboy and Penthouse collection. In fact, I’d rubbed one out less than 24 hours earlier.

Turns out that Uno is a rider first, missionary second, doggy third, and “please don’t cum in my hair” but on my face kinda girl.

I won’t go into much detail other than to say that this wasn’t a “romp”. It was more like a guided tour. A safari, perhaps. More like Game 7.

I mean, there was a rest stop. A pee break. I drank a Gatorade at halftime. I got a pep talk from Cool while drinking said Gatorade during a cigarette break outside in my boxers with the condom still on. There were four quarters of action. Overtime. Double overtime.

When it was all said and done, the sheets were torn, the mattress had to be flipped, the blinds were broken(WTF?), and Jared had a calf cramp during orgasm.

In fact, I was sober when it was over. Uno passed out shortly thereafter(and called the following week to complain about the thumbprint-shaped bruises on her hips and inner thighs).

I went back out to a standing ovation(from the crowd of roughly 25-30 people). I bowed. I shook hands. I got high fives.

Part 3

Let’s preface this story.

I grew up a square. Cultured, yes. But largely, a square. Did a bit of private school, played high school sports in the 90s/2000s(which means drug testing), went to church every Sunday, and never had a girlfriend in high school. Did I go on dates? Sure. Did I ever get emotionally attached enough to commit my allegiance to a specific female? No.

That means no drugs, no sex, no alcohol, no tobacco… hell, I didn’t even get to shoot REAL fireworks off until my parents went on vacation one summer while I was in high school and the lady who was supposed to watch us left to go to the grocery store. Not worth a full explanation but let’s just say my brother has a scar on the part of his face between his nose and the corner of his eye from a bottle rocket fight that he (obviously) lost that day.

This story takes place just a hair over 7 years ago. Labor Day weekend 2002.

I was a freshman at Purdue living in McCutcheon Hall on the 7th floor.

If I’m not mistaken we got Thursday and Friday off that week(don’t call me on that, I can’t remember clear enough).

Long part of that story short, a lot of people went home(as did I), but just as many stayed in the dorms.

I remember coming back to campus about 3 in the afternoon on Saturday. I didn’t have a roommate(he got kicked out of Purdue for basically doing what the kids at IU do everyday), so after putting clean laundry away, making sure nothing was spoiled in my fridge and realizing I already missed the football game, I started wandering the floor looking for friends. I didn’t go far.

To be honest, I can’t remember this kid’s name, but I’ll describe him to you(not like you care what his name is, so we’ll call him Eagle). He was about 6’5″, skinny, played basketball in high school at Zionsville(hence the nickname Eagle for those of you playing along at home), which is a pretty big school northwest of Indianapolis by about 30 minutes. I had him pegged as a square as well. Never saw him with girls. In fact, I had tried to hook him up with a girl and watched him squirm under the pressure so bad that he dropped his Gatorade. Never heard of him partying(or going to one, for that matter). In fact, the weekend before this particular day, he and another friend spent an entire day in my room playing Final Fantasy VII on a cracked XBox. I learned how he got the wherewithal for that on this day.

I catch him looking at his 20″ TV intently with the volume off. I knock on his open door and he turns to me. We converse and he basically just comes out with “There’s a barbecue/keggar at Cool’s house, wanna go?”

Shocked(and obviously going), I head back to my room and grab a sweatshirt. When I turn around, he’s standing at the door. We head downstairs to my truck and start to leave.

Before we get out of the parking lot, he pulls a bag of weed and a small glass pipe out of his cargo shorts and nonchalantly asks if I want to partake. I almost shit, pissed, and puked at the same time. I had NO IDEA he smoked. Frankly, if you’d have asked me to describe him before that moment I’d have been dead wrong on almost every front.

We talk about pot for a few minutes, I tell him I’ve never done anything. No drugs, no sex, no booze, etc. He laughs. He’d never had sex either but he wasn’t a “stranger to danger”. Get my drift?

To be honest, I was probably gone after the first bowl. We smoked three before we hit a gas station. I bought two hot dogs(from a gas station?), a “Fountain Dew”, and a gallon of water. Don’t ask why(most of you already know).

We get to the party about an hour after we’d left the dorm. Cool’s house was probably a 5 minute drive. Do the math.

Cool, for the record, is a badass. He’s a Marine helicopter pilot now and lived across from me in the dorms. He’s from Mishawaka(sp?) and his parents bought a house off-campus for his older brothers who went to Purdue before him, so obviously he spent a lot of time there as well. Cool was in flight school, ROTC, and later on in college was a bouncer at Where Else(a decent watering hole on campus). One of the cooler guys I’ve ever met. I’ll call him “Cool” because frankly, he’s cool AND now a Marine pilot. I’d hate to ruin his career.

So we pull up to Cool’s about 5pm and roll out of the car. By roll, I mean that I was so high I forgot how to get out. I remembered how so crisis averted, I suppose.

Cool meets us in the driveway(which was about 300 feet long and two lanes wide, not to mention completely full of cars). To say this party was a big deal is to put it to shame. I’d say an easy 200-250 people in and around this house.

I’m high. I’m new at this. I’m nervous, right?

Cool’s first words to me were “you’re high, aren’t you?”

Cool, I’m carrying a 32 ounce fountain cup, a gallon of water, and I have ketchup and mustard stains on the corners of my mouth, not to mention I am almost laying on my hood(I killed those hot dogs.Just saying.)

Cool nonchalantly pulls out a pack of Marlboro Blend 27’s(which were the shit back in the day), takes three from the box, and hands one to me, one to Eagle, and slyly sticks the third cigarette between his teeth.

Again on this day I had the privilege of saying “I’ve never done this”.

Cool drops his lighter in surprise, bends down to pick it up, and says “let me guess, you’d never been high until today either.”

I admit as much.

Cool lights my cigarette, tosses Eagle the lighter, turns to walk away and says “wow, man. Enjoy your first cigarette. Today’s going to be a good day, dude.”

For the record, I couldn’t have picked a “nicer” cigarette to break myself in with. Having now smoked for the last 7 years on-and-off, I’m glad it wasn’t a Newport.

We finish the cigarettes and walk to his house.

The house itself was nothing special. 3 bedroom, 2 and a half bathroom ranch sitting on about an acre and a half, I’m guessing? It had a big deck(easily the width of the house and about 20 feet from the back door in length). There was also an in-ground pool, a hot tub, and a fire pit.

Again, for the record, this was the best kegger I’ve ever been to. They had 4, count them, 4 DIFFERENT kegs on ice. I still don’t know why but I’m guessing it had to do with the fact that there were more girls than guys at this particular venue. Given that I went to Purdue(which I’ve heard referred to as “Guy-due”), it was a sight to behold.

I lose Eagle at the sight of bikinis and wind up standing on this deck, shaking my head. Cool comes out from inside, walks up beside me, and hands me my first red Solo cup. I look at the cup, look at him, and he immediately closes his eyes, shakes his head, and says “tell me you’ve never had a drop of alcohol, have you?”

I admit the truth which is met with a smile and a “wow, you’re busting cherries today, huh?”

He immediately clears the way to the keg, quietly(much respect for not embarrassing me) shows me how to operate a keg(including how to tap it), teaches me how to pour a beer, and offers up a toast(which I’d say about 75 people partook in).

Beer. Cold beer. Cold Bud Light. From a keg. Need I say more?

From the first sip, I was good.

We have about 2 cups of beer while standing there, bullshitting.

We progress to beer pong with two girls in bikinis and played for a few games. Cool offered a piece of advice I keep forgetting in the heat of the moment but will always remember as gold: “drink the beer involved in the game, but don’t drink outside of the game, you’ll last longer.”

Part 2

I decided somewhere between sleep and awake this morning that I am going to start writing my blog. I guess reading Tucker Max’s latest has my mind abuzz. I’ve been meaning to put some of my stories in text and just… haven’t? Here we go, I guess.

Let’s get some things out of the way(so you don’t have to feel a certain way and comment in a fashion that might disturb the process).

I know who Tucker Max is. I don’t mean personally. I know of him. His stories.

I also know Maddox. You probably don’t. He’s equally talented(and been in the game A LOT longer than Tucker).

I’m not trying to be either.

Frankly, Tucker blurs the line between what could possibly construed as truth so frequently that I wonder why he feels the need to mention(as he often does) that he carries a voice recorder. I guess he feels that supporting his stories with the idea that there is some sort of physical evidence(short of a video or pictures, which would be nice, right?) gives him validity.

Maddox so vividly paints a picture that there’s no question he’s telling the truth, but frankly, half the time I find myself thinking “I wonder what prompted him to write about this”.

Beyond that, I’m not trying to become famous. I do, however, fully believe that in order to put something to rest, you have to put it into words(and in this case, text).

I’m also not intending to lie by any means. In my opinion, a lie told insists there is a more significant bit of truth being hidden. I don’t intend to lie. What I’m saying here is, if you read one of my “stories” and can’t help but wonder if it’s true(as a whole), don’t. I’m sure that somewhere between this first story(which took place about 7 years ago this month) and today, that I’ve been drunk and/or slept. My comprehension is pretty magnanimous, but I can’t remember everything. I do however, know the difference between “stretching the truth” and outright lying.

That being said, some of you(especially Emily and anyone who has seen me on a caffeine buzz)will have already heard these stories.

Because yes, I am caffeine sensitive.