Dear Brocolli & Cheese Caserole,

Please try not to be so delicious, even after my 2nd serving. Depite your buttery, cheesey goodness, my stomach can only hold so much. I would like to be able to walk upright leaving the family table. I promise to take any of your left overs with me to good home after the meal.

Thanks,
Your biggest fan

Dear Boyfriend’s mother,

Your meal will be my second of the day. I am quite positive that it will be wonderfully delicious, but I will only be able to eat one plate, and even that will be a stuggle. It is not a reflection on you or your cooking. It is wonderful. Please take it up with the Brocolli & Cheese Caserole.

Thanks,
The Tiny Stomached one

Dear NFL Network,

Why must you be so hard to find? I love me some football, especially on Thanksgiving, but I can never seem to find you in the 1000 channels that are on TV now. Please help me.

Thanks,
Addicted

… why I stopped signing in everyday. And then you reminded me with 4 new messages in my Inbox. The first three were basically “ur hot, have a bf?”

This one was my favorite. He really got into it!

“wow right from the start i gotta say you look amazing ;) i must say though out of your entire bangin body those eyes are the best. soulful and almost hypnotic ;) FYI my friends know how straight forward i can be but since you don’t i’ll warn you in advance lol. i have a tendency to speak my mind for better or worse so if you can’t handle someone whos up front stop reading now lol. that being said please tell me that with that body you are a thong chick. and if so what color are you styling today? i must know lol. it would be a shame if you weren’t lol. almost a crime actually. just thinking about it makes me want to bend you over a table and have some fun together. well hit me up Michelle ;)”

Thanks james, but I’ll be keeping my undergarment preferences to myself!

It’s almost spring and mojo is getting ready to rock the sport scene with co-ed Flag Football and Kickball. Join in the forum discussions and let us know if you are interested in playing in either league.

Mojo has a kickball title to defend! So let’s get out the and kick some balls! And some booty in the process!

Fuck you.

So I don’t really know where to start with this …

I guess some back story would help. My father died around 2.5 years ago. We were never super close in the “tell each other everything” sort of way. In fact we hardly ever spoke to each other at all. We would spend most of our time together just hanging out. It’s almost like we were kindred spirits (if such a thing exists), we just naturally understood what each other was thinking and feeling without saying a word.

Anyway, like most people, I dream about the people in my life. And I usually remember my dreams when I wake up. When my father was alive, I would have a dream where he made an appearance … say a couple times a year. Right after he died, I dreamt about him just about every night. I wrote this off as being natural, after all I had dreamt about both my grandparents right after their deaths. Those dreams were basically me saying goodbye to them. My dad being closer to me, it seemed normal that saying goodby in my subconcious might take longer.

Except when I started to think about it, this was different, when my dad appeared in my dreams after his death, he rarely interacted with me. It’s like he was just there to watch me and see what was going on. He’s continued to appear randomly in my dreams in this capacity for years now.

Anyway, last night I was having a dream about playing on a softball team in a beach town. I’ve been to this particular beach many times in dreams though never in real life. It’s crowded, and my mom and aunt are wading in waist deep water waiting for me to join them after a game. Someone is heckling me (about softball) as I am walking up the beach to join them. I turn to shake my fist at the heckler. When I turn back, my mom and aunt are laughing at my antics as I near them. All of a sudden, I feel a presence at my side. It’s my dad in a beach chair, wearing one of his favorite 80s shirts and his beach hat (none of the rest of us were wearing clothes that exist in real life). I bend down to hug him, and I can hear someone saying, “I miss you, and I love you.” I’m not sure if I was saying it to him … or if he was saying it to me. It’s just like I could hear it in my head, you know?

I woke up right away, and my alarm was about 10 min from going off. I’m not sure where I stand on religion and spirituality and all that, but this felt really real. It’s been on my mind all day, so I thought I’d put it on paper … or screen, whatever.

I’m usually a very pasifistic (is that a word?) person, especially towards inanimate objects. But if someone doesn’t fix this florescent light directly over my desk, I might just start hurling my radio at it.

I have a feeling that it might give me a migraine with the constant strobe effect.

So in addition to my previous job funcions (Custom Product Engineer and Factory Order Engineer), I have now been assigned a third job title …

Tie Down Engineer.

Damn I wish that was as fun as it sounds.

So say that you’re at work and your badge cord breaks. So you put your badge in your back pocket.

Later, you go to the bathroom to relieve yourself (dang you drank a lot of free lemonade at that lunch meeting). When you pull your pants back up … your badge escapes from your pocket, flies through the air, and splashes down for a landing … slowly floating to the bottom of the bowl. You haven’t flushed yet. What do you do?

Purely hypothetical, of course.

Things to keep in mind …
– it’s your pee
– you are at work
– in a multi-stall bathroom

You know what is a REALLY bad idea? Leaving work early (at 2:30) on a Friday … when you are scheduled for your performance review at 3:00.

Yeah, smooth move Ex-Lax.

I woke up this morning with a sore groin and welts on my ass.

File that statement under “things that I never thought would ever be written by me”