It’s opening week at the Midwest Sports Complex, as 8 teams kick off their seasons for Indymojo. Wednesday’s Mojo Kickball team got things off to a great start with a 1-0 pitchers dual victory before the storms came in. Kaela Mahoney came through with a 3rd inning RBI single to score the games only run while pitcher Dustin pitched a complete game shutout to lead the Wednesday Night Kickball team to a 1-0 record.
Sunday night got off to a good start with a 9-6 win for the 6:30 softball team. After several lead changes, the scored 4 runs to take a 6-3 lead, but Mojo wouldn’t be deterred putting up 6 runs in the 6th inning to go ahead for good and win 9-6….. The Sunday Night kickball teams both got off to rocky starts falling 9-4 and 8-5 last night, while the 8:30 softball team tried to overcome a 12 run 2nd inning falling short 20-8.
Tonight is a big night for indymojo as the A team and B team duke it out in an IndyMojo dual. Jared “The Wizzard” Malott will be starting pitcher for the B team while Chris Browder starts for the A Team. First Pitch is a 6:00 PM start for the 2 teams tonight at Midwest Sports Complex.
Finally IndyMojo’s latest basketball team will kick off their season Wednesday night at the Fieldhouse in fishers. They will take on the Scrumpers, gametime to be announced Wednesday afternoon.
Stay tuned for more sports updates!
Imagine you are leaving for a vacation. You get everything packed in the car and you are ready to leave, but you have no idea how to get where you are going, and you don’t even really know what the place your going looks like? So you just take off in a random direction and hope for the best..
As crazy as the above scenario may sound, it illustrates a common way that many people revert to in running their lives. See whenever we move to a new place, start a new job, enter a new relationship etc.. We start with the greatest of intentions, we set goals, we dream, we cast vision, and then life happens. We become crippled by stress and life’s circumstances and we quickly revert to this survival mode where we simply live from week to week trying to survive the next day, only focusing on what the next step is.
The core definition of life is change.. When something ceases to change, adapt, move, adjust it is dead. Ironically when we stop changing, and moving, and driving towards goals, our lives tend to become dead as well. Our tasks become remedial, and the events and experiences we once found joy in, tend to become empty, a mirage of empty hope.
What causes this emptiness? Personally I believe a big portion of our happiness thrives on a sense of purpose in life. When our lives has purpose, and we feel like we are making a difference, or accomplishing something meaningful, the quality of life goes up and we enjoy all aspects of our lives a bit more. Likewise when our lives are void of purpose and we feel like our efforts are in vain, the quality of life goes down and we find ourselves struggling to find happiness in even the most enjoyable of experiences…
So how do we go about maintaining a sense of purpose through life’s challenges and obstacles? I believe the answer is in dreaming, vision casting, and goal making…
It all starts with a dream. Dreaming is one of the few things in life that we are best at in our infancy, and progressively lose the ability for as we grow older. When I was 6 years old, I can remember having a knight rider big wheels, and dreaming that I would be able to jump it over a ramp and fly over my garage. After 4 hrs of ramp jumping in the morning I did not succeed at jumping my garage. I promptly went inside for lunch, ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and returned undeterred to continue to reach my feat.
I obviously never made it over that garage, and it’s the failure of some dreams, or “reality” that sinks into our lives and cripples our ability to dream. As some dreams fail in life, we caution ourselves and try to prevent ourselves from disappointment, and thus choke our our ability to dream. We look for realistic or practical options as opposed to daring or challenging ones.
The problem with this is two fold, first how many of life’s wonders have been achieved because people refused to give into reality, and practicality and dared to dream for the impossible. Would we ever have flown, or reached the moon, had someone not dreamed about doing so, long before it was ever possible? Second, if we only strive for what is within reach, do we not doom ourselves to a life of mediocrity?
I wish I could say that we lived in a fairy tale land where all dreams come true, but that is not the case. But the fact that some dreams fail does not mean that we should give up dreaming altogether. Even when dreams fail they often times take us farther than if we had never dreamed at all, and when dreams do succeed, we excel beyond what we could have imagined, we exceed our capacity, and we experience life at it’s fullest.
Dreaming is humanities way of gaining flexibility through stretching. Everytime we dream / stretch, we get more flexible, we are able to push ourselves further, and in turn reach greater distances than was possible before… Two places that are very dear to me are my shower and my bed. Quite simply because they are two places where I love to dream and dream daily… I commit myself to dreaming daily because it reminds me of what could ultimately be, it gets my eyes of of my circumstances. We humans LOVE to stare and dwell on the negative in life, and often times even exaggerate that which is holding us back… So it’s important to dream about the future to find freedom from the present…
Once you have dreams, the next step is vision casting. I like to think of vision casting as the qualitative bridge between dreaming and goal setting. Vision casting starts with thinking through the process between your present day self and the dreams you have laid out ahead of you. It involves thinking through the different scenarios that could exist, and laying out some ways to get from point A to point B.
Vision casting is the best of both worlds(dreaming and goal making), but plays a distinct role. Where dreaming allows us to come up with an end destination, and goal making allows us to determine our map from point A to point B, vision casting allows us to choose our method of transportation, and what we would like to see along our journey…
When I vision cast, I like to think of my ideal trip between where I am and where my dreams lie, without getting bogged down in the details. Here is a practical example… Let’s say my goal was to lose 20 lbs.. My dream would be me buff and ripped at a hawt 165 lbs of lean mean fighting machine. My vision casting would involve picturing myself in a regular workout routine, successfully eating healthy, and seeing progress along the way. My goal making, would be where I would nail down the exact process, what I was eating, and how my progress should take place.
If you jump straight from the dreaming stage to the goal making stage, I guarantee you will find the tasks often times to be way too daunting and want to throw in the towel before you start… Vision Casting allows us time to absorb the dream and sell ourselves on it, before we face the practicalities of it. In vision casting we put ourselves in the drivers seat of the dream and take it or a test drive….
Once you have dreamed the dream, and sold yourself on the vision of getting there, it’s time to set goals. We hate setting goals for lots of reasons, one goals provide accountability, and we hate accountability. Two, goals mean the opportunity for failure, and we hate failure. Three, goals stretch us, and we hate being stretched…. But if you want your life to amount to something extraordinary you must have goals. A person without goals is like a person on a boat that just throws up a sail and lets the wind take him wherever with no regard for where he is going.
When setting goals there are some keys to follow that will help you be successful in your dreams. First of all set obtainable goals. Just because your dream may be impractical, or “unobtainable” doesn’t mean your goals should be. We have all heard the adage, how do you eat an elephant? One spoonful at a time. The goal is progress not perfection, and as long as you are moving forward even in baby steps, you are changing and growing(remember the definition of life is change), and not growing stagnant.
Moral victories are important in life, as they serve of a reminder of the dream and the vision that lies ahead, while providing us with a short sense of satisfaction in the midst of life’s frustrations. By setting short practical goals along the way we give ourselves lots of opportunities for small victories. Goals should compare to a season of baseball more than that of football. Where in football a team can try to go 19-0, No team in baseball will ever go 162-0. Ever. The goal is to win more games than you lose. You will fail at goals along the way, but if you set small and frequent goals, you can win more than you lose and make progress.
Another key to goal making is having the honesty and humility to adjust your goals… My senior year of high school I missed the state race for cross country by 1.2 seconds. Headed into track season, my dream was to qualify for state once in high school, track being my last chance to do it. In my first meet of the year I ran the one mile race, and crushed it with a time of 4:39.09. In the first week of track it was the third fastest time in the entire state. We immediately set my goal as qualifying for state in the one mile and competing for a state championship. Over the next 8 weeks, I ran the mile 12 times, and all 12 times I finished between 4:39.09 and 4:40.25. The 70 second quarter mile splits had locked into my body, and I just could not break that time. Now being 9 weeks into the season, 4:39 was only a top 40 time and was not good enough to get to state. We had to make some tough decisions that week and decided my best bet was the 2 mile run. I switched my training up and set some goals for the last 4 weeks of the season, and ended up qualifying for state in the 2 mile, and fulfilling my dream.
You have to be willing to reevaluate your life and change goals as necessary. Sometimes things that are out of control may prevent you from fulfilling your goals the way you originally anticipated. Sometimes you might get into the process and find out it’s easier or harder than you first thought. But the key is to continue to reevaluate these goals, measure them against the dream and the vision and lay them out again accordingly…
With any dream you should be able to lay out and tell someone what the next couple steps of the dream are, even if they are down the road. I have some dreams that I don’t think I`ll see fulfilled for 10 years or more, and the first couple steps may take a year or two to take place, but I do know what they are and could spout them off to you without having to think about it.
Having said that, you do not have to have every single goal laid out from start to finish. This is where the vision casting is paramount. The vision casting tells the whole story from start to finish, but you can set your goals out a few steps at a time and determine them as you go…
Think you have all this down? Ask yourself a couple questions to assess where you are going in life. How many of the top 5 tasks on your to do list have to do with things that aren’t due or coming up this week? When was the last time you thought about your future or dreamed about where you are going? Do you have large chunks of your past that you feel were wasted and fruitless? Do you struggle with your esteem, or your ability to make a difference in this world? Do you feel like your life counts for something?
I am a firm believer that everyone on this earth has major things to contribute, and that everyone has the “Potential” to change the world. The difference between those who do change the world, and the mundane, is simple. It lies in those who know where they are going in life, and those who don’t…..
Dream for the impossible, strive for the impractical, and be willing to fail…
It’s the spring of 1920, and a young couple is on their way to some Vaudeville entertainment in downtown New York City. En route the couple comes across a puddle in the sidewalk, and the gentleman promptly removes his coat placing it over the puddle so the lady can walk across without getting her shoes or dress wet.
90 years later, the art of being a gentleman has been lost. Gone for most are the days of opening doors for women, seating them first, helping them put their coat on, or greeting them with flowers. We have watered that down to one day a year when we buy the first non embarrassing Hallmark card, a box of chocolates and whatever flower special we find online.
Before some of you get nauseous and decide to stop reading, let me brief you on the premise of this blog so you don’t miss out. This blog is not suggesting, that you put your expensive leather jacket over a puddle, or that all men should be gentlemen. This blog is not putting all blame on men(ladies you have some fault in this too). This blog is not a feeble attempt to impress ladies. What this blog is, is a challenge to some to ponder whether we have let some standards slip that shouldn’t have. As a community we need to strive to reevaluate our lives and see what we can improve on, for better quality of our lives and the lives of those around us. For those of you who think I am crazy, I dare you to bring your most well thought out arguments to the table….
Why is this important? 3 days ago one of our beloved mofo’s left this in the confessional:
“I’m thinking about getting a tazer and zapping all the mofos that start thinking about dating each other. It would save a lot of drama down the road. “
This is a thought that I know many can relate to, but why does it have to be this way. Sure Indymojo is not a dating site nor should it be, but it’s inevitable that with spring and summer coming, warm weather, live music, and parties are going to lead to many hookups in the coming days. Since hook ups can’t be avoided perhaps we need to rethink the way that relationships work and adjust. After all, easier breakups lead to less drama, and that’s a win for everyone(besides the relationships between mojo and non-mojo members seem to bring just as much drama).
Where has the art of gentleman gone? It has been lost amidst shattered dreams, broken relationships, cheating, and laziness.. It is a terrible cycle really, both men and women get burned in relationships where they did nothing wrong(except in some cases make a bad choice for a partner), and eventually they feel the effort is no longer worth it, and they lower their standards. For guys, they stop trying to be a gentleman, and just settle for doing whatever comes to mind, they become selfish and ego-centric.. Why does this work? Because women have been burned too, resulting in lower standards, and making guys work less to earn the same reward. As the guy quality goes down, women lower their standards, as women lower their standards, the guy quality goes down more, and before you know it! Things like cheating and lying are common place and even in some places acceptable.
In the last week three people have challenged me about whether I am really a nice guy or not. Some people think that “The Nice Guy” is just a costume I wear to make women feel good in the hopes that I can “score”, for others, they think that I am setting a standard that I can’t follow in the long term and eventually I will crumble. Still others just think I am weird… Reality is it’s who I have always been and who I will continue to be. Now I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, I can look back at times in my past and see plenty of stupid mistakes. Nor am I suggesting perfection. I simply have some core values that shape the decisions I make, and over the long run that allows me to produce a consistently “Nice Guy”
See being a gentleman is not about 15 rules of proper etiquette. It’s a step back from that. It is realizing that women are not a piece of meat, a footstool, or a means to an end. They are human beings with, feelings, emotions, and how you treat them will impact them greatly both now and for the rest of their lives. From that standpoint you can then decide how to apply that in any particular relationship. For some women, this may be opening the door for them, however some women feel offended by such things, so it may be supporting them in other ways, perhaps emotionally, perhaps with encouragement.
Being a gentleman does not apply to just romantic relationships. Helping an old lady across the street, or helping a neighbor carry their groceries in, can be just as gentlemanly as greeting your date with flowers. The bottom line though is our generation has grown selfish, and we have lost the art of putting others first, something that was a cornerstone of being a gentleman back in the day.
Guys I am going to pick on us first because the problem started with us. Finding a woman these days with true self esteem(I am not talking about women who fake being confident because they are insecure, know the difference!), is practically impossible. Why? Because we as men haven’t given women a reason to be confident. If you have a significant other in your life or at least someone who you want to be a significant other down the road potentially, what are you doing to support them and make them feel confident. Are you putting them first, do their needs come before your own? Over time you start to learn that the joy that comes from fulfilling our wants fades quickly, but the joy that comes from fulfilling someone else’s wants never goes away. Do the women in your life, friends or more, feel safe around you, do they trust you, do they feel like they can come to you with anything? Do women feel respected when they are around you? Or do they have to put their guard up. This is sooo important. The more people women are around that make them put their guard up the more they get locked into putting their guard up, eventually they trust no guys, which leads to insecurity and again the cycle is started. As men we need to create a safe environment for women. I can’t honestly see a single drawback from that whatsoever, even if you are not into serious relationships, if mojo has a reputation for being full of ass holes and creeps, good luck getting a new ladies to join or get involved…. Things like cheating and lying are a lot harder to do(damned near impossible IMO) if you are really putting others before yourself…
Ladies, ladies, ladies, you are not without blame in this dilemma. Everytime you let a guy below your standards get involved in your life you are making it acceptable for guys to keep acting the way they are. I realize no one wants to be alone, and sometimes it can be very tempting to let your standards slip in order to be happy, but in the end if you get burned is it really worth it? If guys find that they can consistently treat women like crap and get away with it, will they ever change? You deserve respect, and you deserve quality, but if you don’t stand and wait for it? You will never get it. If every woman on the planet stood up one day and decided that they would not give men the time of day until they learned to treat all women with respect, men would puff their chest out and determine themselves to hold out… for about 3 days, then they would give in and do whatever it took. TRUST ME. Stop traveling from broken relationship to broken relationship, one of the biggest keys to getting respect from guys is respecting yourself.
Why am I so hell bent on this? I have been in too many conversations with people who are truly broken because of being cheated on, too many conversations with people who have no self esteem, because they have been lied to and taken advantage of, and I don’t want to contribute to that. I`d be lying if I said I have been perfect in the past(though I have never ever cheated and never ever will), but I`m stuck in my old fashioned ways because after the fun and partying gets old you get to a point where you realize there is more to life than parties and sex…
The average life expectancy of a human in the united states is 78 years, and alot of people consider themselves out of their “prime” between 30 and 40. This means that over half your life is going to be spent not being in your physical prime. When you get to that point, and you aren’t that sexy hot thang you were in college, then what? What will be your selling point? Why will people want to spend time with you? What will make you happy?
If you don’t want to spend the second half of your life alone in miserable I suggest you learn to take a different approach sooner than later…..
The great debate.. It’s not hard to find people who make a living on both sides of the fence. For some the fairy tales and dreams come true meet life in an explosion of happiness, for others the conquest and challenge of meeting new people and scoring brings ample excitement and challenge to life…
Is one better than another? I am sure I can find people who will say yes and argue either side of the debate, and perhaps we cannot find a true answer that all can agree to, but we can study the pros and cons of both and more importantly come up with guidelines for both…
Let’s look at love first. While maybe not everyone has experienced true love, many of us can remember the first time we “thought” we were in love. Love is a funny thing, in talking with couples who have been married for years, they describe love as something far different from what Hollywood portrays. They describe love as something that takes work and commitment, but is one of life’s most rewarding experiences…
The first time I heard a couple describe it that way, I didn’t want to believe them. I wanted love to be this happily ever after bag of emotion and joy, the warm fuzzies that never fade… That Hollywood ending… Yet none of these couples were complaining.
Love has it’s advantages.. Starting with the obvious, there are all kinds of fun microscopic organisms that can make your life hell if your “partner” decides to share. Being in a genuinely monogamous relationship, can help ease those fears(I know someone is going to say you can be monogamous in lust, I`ll address that later). Love adds a level of depth and self worth to a relationship that lust can’t.. One of the reasons that so many people want to be in love, is so they can be appreciated, respected, adored. It’s actually for very selfish reasons…
Love has it’s disadvantages too.. True Love is hard to find, especially in this day and age… How picky do you be, if you wait for Mr or Mrs Perfect, you might wait for ever, settle and you may be disappointed for life…. True Love is really more selfless than selfish. If you are serious about falling in love, then you need to realize it is more about what you can be for another person than what you can get in return. True Love is a relationship where two people serve each other in equal capacities, you give selflessly trusting the other will do the same.
For many true love does become work over time.. When we first meet someone the excitement and emotions of it are more than enough to carry us. Eventually though some of that excitement does fade, and then you find out if you really have what it takes to make it…
Not only is True Love hard to find, but it has risks as well. By opening yourself up to someone, and opening your heart to them, you risk being hurt, you risk having your feelings not equaled, you risk being crushed….
If I haven’t scared you off on love, and hopefully I haven’t because that is not my intentions, there are some keys to making love successful:
1. Make sure you are ready – Are you carrying baggage from a previous relationship? Do you have big emotional hurts in your life? Huge decisions to make? If you have major issues and you bring them into a relationship you are just asking for trouble. Take the time to clean house and be whole rather than hoping some person can complete you…
2. Focus on what you have to offer someone – Get the focus off yourself. If your sitting there dreaming of the perfect person and how they will take care of you and do this for you and do that… You are setting yourself up for disappointment, and a short relationship if any at all. Love elevates another person to a high status in your life. While it doesn’t have to take the place of everything great in your life now, it does change your priorities dramatically.
3. Physical stuff is overrated – I`m going to get shot down by this one, but lets just be honest here… If you sincerely are looking for some one to settle down with, sexual compatibility or physical interaction is not one of the first 17 things you need to be looking into! I am not saying it’s not important, but realistically in a relationship what % of the time is sex? I would venture to say less than 10%. If you are in a romantic relationship there will be a lot of emotions tied in to, and this can mess with your ability to accurately determine if this person is someone who can really be your best friend. I am not saying it is easy, and God knows I am not perfect, but the more you can hold off and focus on getting to know the person the more likely you are to figure out who that person is and potentially avoid more heartache down the road should things not work.
4. Guard your heart! – We have all had the friends who meet a person and 24 hours later think they are in love, and all they can think about is that person. You can’t learn much about a person in 24 hours! Anyone can represent themselves to be a good person for a short amount of time. You need to give time for a person’s true character to show, if you fall madly in love at first sight, like in hollywood you are setting yourself up for disaster!!!!
Enough about love, lets talk about the other side of the coin. Lust! A vast majority of you I presume know the excitement and anticipation that comes with being with someone for the first time. That feeling can be a rather addictive one, and it is one that a lot of people on this side of the fence are drawn to.
Lust has it’s advantages, beyond the above mentioned excitement, for those who may have very busy lives or aren’t in a position to commit themselves to a serious relationship, lust is a great way, to burn some frustration(and some calories), and have some fun without being tied to something. The excitement of the “hunt”(and I mean nothing derogatory by this, I just mean the chase and challenge of it, both guys and girls do this), can be enough to break up the monotony of a long week and give us something to look forward to and to occupy our mind. Lust is a great escape from life.
Lust has it’s disadvantages too. Being safe is paramount, especially for women. Lust can give you a negative image. It’s funny how many people who love lust will be quick to point other people out as whores but neglect their own whoreness! Lust can become an addiction that can pull you in as with anything else in life.
If you are a person that enjoys lust, the chase, the experience, here are some keys to success!
1. Moderation, Moderation, Moderation! – Just like alcohol, cigarettes, recreational drugs, lust is no different. Anything in moderation will allow you to make good responsible adult decisions that you have a right in this country to make. The farther lust goes past moderation, the more you lose your ability to make educated decisions and drift towards stupidity that can cost you in many ways. Set your boundaries, and guidelines and stick to them no matter what. Keep yourself in a position to be safe.
2. Alcohol and Lust can be a bad mix – Look I am not saying you cannot drink, but again moderation is key. One of the most successful lust guys I know was a friend back home named Chad. Chad loved girls, and chad loved parties. In fact chad threw some of the best parties in the area, but chad never drank. EVER. He said it tainted his decision making. Chad hooked up with a lot of great girls, and I never saw heard of him waking up next to someone and regretting it…
3. Be honest about your intentions – Using love as an excuse to get laid, is a destructive and only short term successful strategy(once you get caught in it, good luck getting girls to take you seriously). There are PLENTY of guys and girls who are in to lust and hookups and NSA relationships. You don’t need to dabble in the love pool and be something you are not to get laid.
So which is better. Love? Lust? I have my opinions, and strong ones, but the goal of this particular blog is not to sway you, but to get you seriously thinking about it. The worst thing you can do to yourself is not know where you stand on any particular issue!
Alexander Hamilton said it best, “Those who stand for nothing , fall for anything”.
Bottom line, be honest with yourself and determine where you stand. For some they may transition, a season of lust a season of love. Perhaps they have been burned by love and want to spend some time lusting it up while they heal. Maybe they want neither. You have to be honest about where you are at, and what you want to be, and carry that honesty into any relationship you enter into. Want to know what I think? Maybe I`ll divulge in the forum thread….
After 48 hours of mojo in my system, I find myself amazed by the network of people and community that exists here. JK, Smitty, and the countless volunteers who have worked hard to build mojo to what it is today should be proud of what they have accomplished in such a short time. There are many organizations and non profits who would kill to have such success…
Last night was my first Mojo experience. Seeing 11 people on the roll call, I expected to find a small gathering of people drinking a couple beers and having a good time, I had no idea the following Mojo had or how many people would actually be there from Mojo(no idea on a number I think 50 is a conservative guess…)
One of my favorite conversations last night was with the great Carrie G. She definitely lives up to her reputation of being funny, and made last night quite enjoyable. In talking we started discussing “guys”, don’t worry none of this is calling anybody out. But we got on the discussion of what works for Guys. Personally my plan has always been to be the super nice guy, since they are hard to find, and the vast majority of guys take the Jock / Ass hole approach. For whatever reason being ripped as hell and treating women like crap seems to be the popular approach and works well for some people…
But I`m always left astounded by some guys, who seem like they should have no chance in the world with popular or attractive girls, and yet they seem to pop off one hot girlfriend after another. What makes them tick? I doubt it is any relation to their anatomy so to speak, though that is what some people like to think. This very thought is where our conversation last night ended and without answers….
After some thought and reflection(and a Guinness headache), I think the answer has come to me. It’s individualism. See the trap in any large community or gathering or group of people or hangout or college, or frat etc.. is to try and look and be like everyone else. We want to fit in, we want to match, we want to measure up. So we take everything that is unique about ourselves, everything that makes me me, and we throw it away in an effort to fit in. If you have spent any extended amount of time with the same group of people you know what I am talking about.
I am telling your right now though the guys(and girls for that matter), who continually over achieve, who stand out in a crowd, who attract friends and relationships on a regular basis, are the ones who STAND OUT! They don’t fit the mold, they don’t try to be something they are not, but they accentuate who they are, that makes them memorable, unique, and attractive.
So this morning Mojo I pose you the question, Who are you?! What makes you different from the other 13,000 members here. What makes you unique. After all if all you do in coming here is try to act like the other 13,000 members then what do you have to offer
So a month ago I moved back here to Indy. I say back here because technically I was born here and lived here for a whole two weeks. I was supposed to be born in Illinois but popped out early…
What brought me here sounds like a country music song… Almost every aspect of my life fell apart and while some was in my control most wasn’t and blindsided me. I moved to Indy for a fresh start and a new scene
My first month here has been somewhat chaotic… Meeting people in a town where you know almost no one is challenging. I have spent alot of time going to open gyms playing basketball and working my way into some of the area leagues… I also have played lots of online poker in an effort to keep myself busy.
With 14 months on my lease I am not really sure what to expect. I have alot of hopes and unfulfilled longings but only time will separate the living dreams from the fairy tales…..